The next step is to identify your triggers or hot buttons. Whenever you have an intense reaction to something, chances are high that one of your triggers or hot buttons has been pushed. Triggers are suppressed or repressed fears, insecurities, anger, resentments, or regrets that cause automatic and often intense emotional reactions when activated. These intense reactions are frequently experienced as abusive by other people. By identifying the specific situations, actions, words, or events that trigger these emotional reactions, you can begin to anticipate and manage them better, thus avoiding some of your aggressive or abusive behavior.
Assignment. What are your triggers? 1. Start keeping a log of the situations that consistently make you angry. Think about the last time you got angry. What was it about? Pay attention to the factors involved such as your general mood or the presence or absence of alcohol. Did something in your environment or something that was said remind you of a past experience? 2. Ask those closest to you to help by telling you what they notice tends to trigger your anger. This will require trust on your part, but if you really want to transform your aggressive anger style and gain control of your anger, it may be a necessary risk. Those closest to you may be able to help you discover patterns to your behavior, thus making it more predictable. Behavior that is predictable is easier to manage.





 
Common Triggers for Those with an Aggressive Style of Anger

• Feeling out of control. Often those with an aggressive anger style gain a false sense of control by dominating and controlling others. When someone refuses to do as they say, they become enraged because they no longer feel this sense of false control. • Having to wait or not getting their way. Those with an aggressive anger style tend to be impatient and have a low tolerance for frustration. Therefore, when they are forced to wait or to adjust to not getting what they want when they want it, they often blow up in anger. • Being shamed. Those who were heavily shamed as children or adolescents are often triggered by any treatment or attitude from others that appears to be disapproving, disrespectful, critical, or judging. • Being ignored or rejected. Often those who become aggressive or abusive are triggered when they feel ignored or rejected. This is most likely due to the fact that they were neglected or abandoned when they were children. • Envy. Some people are triggered by feelings of envy. If someone close to them has a good experience, it makes them feel bad about themselves. This may trigger memories of being a less favored child or of having a parent who ignored their needs.